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struggle is the price you pay...
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Aug. 29th, 2005 @ 12:04 pm (no subject)
so i just found out that hanson is gonna be at the rave again on november 19th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant wait!


so in two more days i start moving to appleton. i dont babysit the girls nemore-after the same routine for the last 5 years...ill see them maybe once every week or two if that. i wont have my little bros to come home to. or my mommy. i have to start over at work-meet new people at the appleton store. i dont want to! i think this is the first time i want to stay in green bay. but then again-i dont. i wanna get out so bad. i just wish i could take everyone i love with me.

i miss sarasam. i wanna go to great america with her again....i wanna go to choir class and just goof off all morning...i wanna hang out and be retarded and have the most fun eva! :(

i have to go and get my books now. i hate driving out there. grr.
its morphin time!
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Aug. 25th, 2005 @ 12:04 pm (no subject)
You scored as Athletic Tomboy.

</td>

Athletic Tomboy

88%

Slut

56%

Popular Bitch

38%

Hippy

31%

Goth

25%

Preppy Girl

25%

Nerdy Girl

13%

Loser

0%

What type of girl are you?!!
created with QuizFarm.com



haha. yea im just loving number 2. :(
its morphin time!
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Aug. 17th, 2005 @ 09:47 am (no subject)
i cant believe that in just two weeks-it will be a year since my grandma died. what i also cant believe is how it hasnt even hit me yet. the fact that shes gone isnt totally believable. even when i go to her empty house-all the furniture and everything is gone-i still think ill be going to her house after church to walk in and smell mashed potatos, bisquits, and maybe some chicken and rice. and then when i leave ill get a nice big kiss from her as she says "i love you my girl". id wait till i got outside to wipe off the wetness of her kisses-but i kept the love from them. its just so hard to think its been a year. a whole year without my grandma. id prolly be out in luxemburg making donuts all week right now if she were here. we always open of the "donut factory" every summer. after 7 years of spending a week every summer with her-i feel so weird not going. last summer we made plans for me to go about a week before she died. a week. who knew in that short amount of time my life would change so much. i remember the phone conversation we had making plans. shawn was over-we stopped at my house to grab my hanson cd. and since she called every single nite at exactly 8:00 i knew it was her when the phone rang. so i answered it to plan donuts. that was actually the last i talked to her. at least the last thing i said was i love you grandma.
so much happened in the past year too. even tho it seemed to have go by so fast. lets see-i went to california, i spent my first xmas/gmas bday without her, i went to state for solo and ensemble, i went to texas, went to graceland, went to mexico, recieved a nice scar on my face, senior ball, i graduated...its weird. its hard. i miss her. i dont think ill be able to do anything sept 1st. i remember-it was the first day of school. everything was good. i had a good day(considering i was at school) and i remember i had to work at the chocolate factory that nite. then me and shawn were gonna hang out. well i came home from school. and i was informed the worst way possible. my dad just simply walked up to me and said grandma junion died. it didnt even sink in for a while. and when it did i thought he meant my grandma timm. i never really she her cuz they always lived far away-so my shock wasnt as great. then i realized he said junion. but grandma junion wasnt suppose to die. it was like she couldnt die. the whole family is lost without her. literally. shes the reason we all get together and stay peaceful. shes what keeps us all up. when i realized he said grandma junion-i felt my whole insides just drop. i remember walking to my room just numb with no expression on my face. then i sat on my bed. and then i crashed. i had never cried so hard in my entire life. ive never lost anyone before so dear to me. i still didnt believe it either. then i thought of my mom and how she was doing-my grandma was all her strength and reason for living!
after about 10 minutes of straight hard sobbing i called work cuz i knew i wouldnt make it in. then i called shawn. i felt bad cuz he didnt really know what to do. then i went to lizzies. then next day i only made it thru half of school. at lunch i went to shawns. he made me feel better-for the time being. then the next day was the wake. i remember when i first walked in the room. i cried b4 i even saw her in the casket cuz i knew she was laying there lifeless. my mom walked forward to me and held me. being held by my mom felt so good. but then i felt the hurt she was feeling too and knew there was nothing i could do about it. as much as i wish i could. then the next day was the funeral. i had never been to a funeral-and this surely wasnt what i wanted my first one to be. not someone that meant so much to me. the pastor mentioned her famous donuts- my cousin amy and i looked at eachother and just sobbed. that was our time with her. just us. we had so much fun and made so many memories making donuts. stealing donut holes, all our "jokes" on grandma, then her famous spaghetti that she made every year after donuts. i couldnt watch them close the casket. i had to look away. then i looked around at the packed church. i mean filled left to right front to back. there were so many people. and it wasnt just family-we were all in the back of the church while they closed the casket. my grandma was so loved. she was a part of so many peoples life and is missed by so many people. its amazing.

i prolly wouldnt be this way. i prolly wouldnt hurt so bad. i never pictured every minute without you in it. you left SO FAST.

i also cant help but hurt about the fact that summer is ending and everyone is leaving. tomorrow sarah leaves. what the hell am i gonna do-how do you say goodbye for such a long time? knowing she wont be able to meet up when i call. knowing itll be til thanksgiving break when i see her if i even get to at all. i just wish we could go back to high school. i miss our choir mornings. as much as we hated choir-her steph and i just had so much fun. i love that girl. i just dont want tomorrow to ever come. then before you know it kayln will be going-so will velk, and everyone that i hang out with now-will be busy and everything is gonna change so much. sure im glad for change and to meet new people-but its so hard in other ways.

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its morphin time!
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Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 10:52 am (no subject)

morning.

i just read an email telling me my loan application is denied. poopy.

in an hour im going out to appleton with liz and sarah. were going to fox valley to find our classes and hand in our transcripts. then we are going to jansport and to find lizzie a job. i hope she finds one. we needa move out.

i have to poop.

bye.

its morphin time!
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Aug. 10th, 2005 @ 11:54 am (no subject)
i read his profile, and it was the first time i really cried over it in a long time. well i cried when i ripped up allll the letters and threw them away for good. but when i read what he feels about her-and wonder why that isnt me anymore-i hurt. but then at the same time, if hes suppose to be with someone else so am i. and maybe im just not suppose to be with anyone for a long time. i think my problem is i just want to be cared for. cuz growing up i never had that feeling of security or love. my family doesnt express any of that. so i strive for it. and i always want and need it. but then if i get the chance-i get scared of it and dont even know what the hell to do with it. shawn was the only one that i felt for and not scared at the same time. and i think thats why im having such a hard time with it. but ill find another i know. its just that pain in my gut and all these memories in my head right now that are killing me. but ill get thru it sooner or later.

anywho-great america was a blast! amanda didnt show-but it all worked out terrific. the lines werent really long at all. the only downfall was the fact that we ate lunch there and wasted so much fucking money. but it was so fun with liz and sarah. when i went to bed i felt like i was riding roller coasters still.

im sick of being alone.



When you cry be sure to dry your eyes,
cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile be sure to smile wide, and
don't let them know that they have one.
And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
its morphin time!
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Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 09:55 am (no subject)

what makes me happy....

1. da packers

2. my 'c' in math class

3. the new song "hick town"

4. lizzie

5. rain

6. my beer goggles

7. chilis baked potato soup

8. cosmo magazine

9. mobile carts at grocery stores

10. the O.C. and desperate housewives

 

what makes me wonder....

1. college(will i get thru it?)

2. supper time(what will i eat?)

3. lunch time( ^ ^ ^ ^)

4. getting in my shit saturn(will i break down? or crash?)

5. boys( will this one screw me over too?)

6. god(whats in store for me)

7. my career ( will i ever have one?)

8. my future husband( do i ever want one??)

9. my mom ( what shes thinking or smoking sometimes)

10. episodes of O.C. and desperate housewives (what the hell is gonna happen???)

what i hope for....

1. win the lottery or marry someone rich

2. to meet my grandma again someday

3. to loose maybe a little weight

4. to still talk to all my friends whom i dont nemore

5. to make it thru the next 6-7 years of my life sane

6. to pursue my career as a music teacher..or win american idol

7. to meet donald driver *sigh*

8. for all our troops to come home safe and soon

9. for bush to stop smoking crack

10. for a lifetime supply of mcchickens

what makes me sad/mad/etc

1. my friends leaving for school

2. school

3. new retarded shows on nickolodeon

4. my car

5. boys

6. september 1st

7. carbs

8. bills

9. ignorance

10. hangovers

favorites!

1. color=green

2. food=italian/mexican

3. song=hick town

4. dessert=cheesecake

5. music=country. yee haw

6. tv show=will and grace/oc/desperate housewives

7. hobby=singing

8. passing time= aimless driving

9. beer=coors/keystone

10. restaurant=chilis

its morphin time!
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Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 09:45 am (no subject)

one more day till great america!!! im sooo excited. amanda is coming now so we have an even number. i have butterflies in my tummy just thinking about it!

 

so i dyed my hair yesterday and lost track of time. and now my hair is wayyyy too dark. i washed it with some dawn dish soap and shampoo twice in the shower this morning. its so dry and sick right now. :( and it makes me look even whiter....and i have a wedding to go to on saturday. go me!

the other nite i hung out with janel for the first time in FOREVER. it had been wayyy too long and i was so happy to finally see her.

i went to park for the first time last nite. it was good till lizzie realized she locked her keys in her car! haah what a dork. so kd had to drive us to gb to get her spare and then back to appleton.  then lizzie and i went to lukes house. but not till like 4 in the fucking morning. i got maybe an hour of sleep. cuz lizzie came into lukes room at like 6:30-7 (i hadnt actually gotten to bed till bout 5-6) she woke me up crying. i freaked out. my poor lizzie. i dunno whats going on with jason liz-but whatever happens will eventually be alright. and in time youll figure out what the fuck is going on.

school starts in less than a month. i dont even know how much financial aid im gonna get. this isnt cool. im not at ALL ready!

so brad paisley, sugarland, and SARA EVANA are coming to the resch center! ill be the first one camping out for tickets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

american idol auditions are in chicago sept 16. i guess im going?

did i mention how excited i am for tomorrow?!?!

its morphin time!
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Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 11:45 am (no subject)
i cant believe its august already. i dunno where the summer went. all i know is i dont want to see it go! course...i dunno if ill even be going to school this semester. im not passing my math class and theres only 2 days left. if im not in school-i have no insurance. basically what im saying is im screwed.

shawns getting married next weekend. yupp. dont even know what to think about that one anymore. im just kinda numb. and hopeless. but it doesnt matter. i wonder if ill ever be ok. i just wanna be happy for once. how come its so easy for some people? i dont understand.

my cousins wedding is in 2 weeks. im excited for it cuz weddings are fun. then in another 2-3 weeks another cousin is getting married. i hate marriage.

my mom found my beer in my trunk this moring. cant wait till she confronts me about it!

if anyone wants to come to great america and would wanna drive-lemme know. my saturn wont make it and no one else going can drive down there. we need one more person to make it an even number.

im thinking very hard about my next tattoo. i dont wanna wait till i move out so id have to be very careful about hiding it. i also want my nose pierced but that i obviously cant hide.

i love jesus.
its morphin time!
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Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 11:30 am (no subject)

I've been with someone for over a year
I still watch cartoons.
I've never seen The O.C.
I love music.
I want a (another) tattoo.
I wear glasses.
I want more piercings.
I love to watch the rain.
I like to go on walks with someone I love.
I didnt believe in true love when i was younger.
I am a pretty cynical person sometimes.
Sometimes I cry for no damn reason.
I cry about stupid things.
I hate being walked all over but it happens all the time.
It annoys me when people try to tell me how I am and what I like.
I am not sure if I believe in God. But i think i believe in a higher power.
Sometimes I feel alone
I'm sometimes a loud person.
I get really sad sometimes.
I hate it when people criticize me for what I like.
I crack my knuckles, wrists, ankles, back, etc.
I fidgit with anything when I'm nervous.
I'm a weird person.
I consider myself pretty unique.
My eyes are brown.
Listening to music usually influences my mood.
I am a disappointment to myself.
I love sleeping.
I'm obsessed with Vanilla.
I have a few close friends.
I like popcorn.
I love watching tv.
I like malls.
I like cold weather better than hot.
I love Winter.
I'm addicted to AIM.
I sometimes have trouble trusting people.
I do not label myself anything besides "me."
I love my family.
I loathe hot weather.
Sleeping is a hobby of mine.
I like to listen to music everyday.
I love white tigers.
I don't always like the way I look.
I used to cut myself.
I'm a daydreamer.
I like when people write me letters
I like to be with my boyfriend/girlfriend.   <------   (-:
I randomly doodle on pieces of paper when boredom strikes.
I love all my friends.
I'm allergic to milk.
I wish people would stop making me cry.
I hate people who try to be what they're not.
I went to boarding school for the last 2 years of high school.
I love all candy.
I get my feelings hurt really easy.
I like pants.
I am often bored.
I like to say what's on my mind.
I hate blue jeans.
I'm online a lot.
I have 2 goldfish.
I am for the most part happy with myself.
I need to work out more.
I like being alone at certain times.
When I get angry, I curse to myself sometimes.
I wish I could spend more time with the ones I love.
I hate shallow people.
I'm a type 1 (insulin dependent) diabetic.
I ponder life way too much.
Sometimes I think everyone hates me.
I need to be showed I'm loved.
I wish I was better.
I hate discrimination.
I have a cute car.       

I sometimes wish I was more social.
I love to have fun.
I get amused easily.
I'm a lazy ass.
I'm usually more outgoing when I'm around friends.
I love to be me.
I like wearing hoodies
I spend too much money.
I’ve been in a school play before
I can play an instrument
I’ve taken Italian in school
I can speak at least one other language pretty well
I took Spanish and can’t remember any of it
I play paintball
I have more than one video game system
I have a job working in fast food
The rain is a perfect description of my soul
I have a table in my room
I’d rather color with crayon than colored pencils
I write on my arms and hands
I have a garden
I’ve been in a real fist fight before
I’m short, but that’s okay
The world should have just one language
Spiders are creepy
Nickelodeon was better in the early 90’s
I’ve dialed 911 before
I’ve saved someone’s life before
My first name is five letters long
My last name is seven letters long
I'm going to be in college for at least six years
I’ve never had a Boyfriend/Girlfriend before
I know how to drive a motorcycle or four-wheeler
I’ve gotten lost in the woods before
I hate math with a passion.
I still love reading children’s books
I have cried during a video game
Hot Topic is awesome      haha
I am against online dating, it’s not real
I have no idea what my major will be
I love the song, “Time of your life/good riddance”
I know someone who has more than eight brothers or sisters
The walls in my house are a color other than white
I’m overly obsessed with another country, namely Japan
I STILL have Pokemon cards lying around
My school year has been very funny and very random
I don’t know what the principal’s office looks like         
I’d die for all my friends
My hair is long
I have a broken appliance somewhere in my home
I’m still friends with one of my childhood friends
I can draw pretty well
I attend church nearly every Sunday
I know someone with at least six siblings
I used to collect Beanie Babies
I wish I had a time machine
I’d rather criminals have a lifelong sentence than the death penalty
I’ve been struck by lightening before
I’ve been to Europe
I can name every president in order
I’ve never been stung by a bee before
I’ve laughed so hard this week my stomach hurt
A fire ant has bitten me
I wear contacts
I have dentures
I love children
I’ve broken a bone before
I’ve had homework over the summer before
I’ve read the hobbit and loved it more than LOTR
I know someone named Chad
I can’t draw non-anime people

I’m interested in stamp collecting
I need to clean my room
I’ve been in a fire before
I’ve needed stitches before
I’ve been attacked by an animal before
I've watched Blue Clues before
I’m lazy
I’ve taken so many quizzes it’s all just a blur
Orange is an awesome color

its morphin time!
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Jul. 21st, 2005 @ 01:37 pm (no subject)

            all i can say about life...is oh god enjoy it!

 

the beginning of this week was really nice. cuz i had it off. all day and night. cept for yesterday i babysat. but i took the girls to charlie and the chocolate factory. and it was soooooooooo good! i didnt even wanna see it and didnt think id like it cuz it looked kinda freaky. but it was awesome. i wanna see it again! today im babysitting. then i work at eastbay from 9-12. poopy. and i wanna go out but i have to be at best buy at 9:30 am tomorrow. so there has to be something good going on otherwise im gonna sleep. then after best buy tomorrow i work eastbay 4-12. then i have to be up again on saturday morning to be at best buy at 9:30. and then i work eastbay 4-12. i have no life.

last nite lizzie and i met timmy and zach and other kids to sneak into ashwabemay. haha. it was so fun. then cops or something came. so we had to hide under the dock. it was quite exhilerating. then me and liz went to some party on the east side. it got pretty dramatic. damn boys.

so what do you do when you realize all that youve waited for and practically lived around just goes to hell. when you wait and plan to wait as long as it takes for something and then you realize that something is nevermore. ya.

i cant wait for my big eastbay check. im gonna buy my mommy lots of clothes and surprise her. that should take about $200 off my bills. lol. i got i love lucy checks! im so excited.

shower time! :)

its morphin time!
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